Some Good News On My End!

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    There have been a multitude of things going on in my life, but the most important one for me, has been my growth. Now I don't mean like a nasty thing growing on me, but rather the amount of self discovery and development I have done for myself. In this blog post I'll be giving a bit of my background and struggles with anxiety, and the changes that I made in my life that really had amazing outcomes for me, including my work towards ever growing gratitude. I hope that by reading a bit about my journey, you can take something away from it. Mainly, that you are not alone, ever, even when you may think and feel like you are.




    Now, I want to start by saying how much the love and support of my loved ones has helped me on my journey. I know how lucky I am to have those I love in my life and I am infinitely grateful. I struggled with anxiety, with a sprinkle of depression for a bit, for quite some time (about five years). This mental instability interfered with every aspect of my life and it really felt like there was no end in sight with the pain and pure misery that I constantly felt. I felt trapped everywhere I went because the true prison was in my own mind and I could not shake it. There were periods of times that I didn't want to leave my house, and I stopped all types of self expression through clothing, accessories, and art, which was/is very abnormal for me. I had some really dark thoughts and they were there constantly looming over me every second of the day. I didn't go to school with everyone else for two years. I just couldn't step near my school without having a complete panic attack that lasted hours.




    Through the years I tried yoga, meditation, therapy, and absolutely nothing worked. Eventually I went to someone who helped mend my spiritual energy and mentality and this is where my mental repair started (not that you are broken if you have anxiety, but you get my drift). I was not in a place where I felt like I was ready to put in the hard work to help myself. I was sort of in a denial stage, until I got a glimpse of the light and the freedom and weightlessness that came with that light. By starting to slowly mend my spirituality I was able to realize the potential I had to conquer this dragon, who I named Daisy by the way lol. Now I totally did not just magically get better, I eventually stopped putting the work in, thinking I was better and didn't need to, and fell back into my anxious state.




    It wasn't until the second time around and a lot of tummy trouble that I was dealing with since I was about five or six years old, that I started to make my way to where I am today. I suffered with terrible digestive pains and discomforts while dealing with my anxiety, which was not easy. If I wasn't sad or having an anxiety attack, I was both those things while sitting on a toilet screaming in agony. But I am grateful for this because while talking to a friend about my stomach issues, they recommended their doctor that really helped him improve his stomach issues. As soon as he handed me that business card, I knew I wasn't just holding a business card, I was holding new possibilities and new found hope.




    Hope and resilience are very strong and healthy emotions/qualities to have, and were crucial to my future. I struggled with making certain changes to my diet and life style in the beginning, but believe it or not, the pandemic kicked my ass in the right direction. As the coronavirus started to sweep through the nation and I was stuck in my home and taking classes online, I started to get quite anxious again. Of course this time around I knew how to control it better and knowing so many people were also struggling kinda made me feel better. Not because I knew others were suffering too, that'd be so mean, but rather because I knew for a fact that I wasn't alone. I saw my parents get anxiety and in depressive states, for the very first time in my life. That is also eye opening to someone who's trying to get her own shit together.




    I finally felt propelled enough to start changing my habits and leading by example. I cut out all the bad foods that I couldn't eat due to allergies and in turn became vegan, I started meditating at least once a day, now twice a day with school lol, and I started to exercise (Pilates) everyday as well. Through my meditation and discipline I have been working on gratitude because it is such a powerful emotion that it can improve your mental and physical state at any given moment. Also, working on being more loving and compassionate with myself because I deserve the same love and compassion that I give to others. In turn, all of this has helped me reduce my stress and improve my overall health. As my favorite artist Katy Perry said, "Yeah I'm thankful scratch that, baby, I'm Grateful. Gotta say it's really been a while, but now I got back that smile." And honey, I just can't stop smiling! And I know that I can't be naïve to think that I'll always feel this way, but I know now, that I have to keep working on myself to get and stay exactly where I want to be...and that's why I created this blog!

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